Friday, October 22, 2004
Making Friends: Adult-Style
I've lived the vast majority of my life as a kid. I'm not really used to this adult thing. When you wanted to make a friend as a kid, you invited a kid over to your house to play or sleep-over. In college, you decided to study together or go out for coffee. In the world of adult-hood, what do you do?
Steve and I want to become friends with another couple in our apartment complex. They seem to want to be our friends, too. Unfortunately, lives are busy. They have 1.8 kids (she's pregnant with their second) and they're hard pressed to have time to see each other, much less go on impromptu coffee dates (dragging the little ones along!) I don't really know how to develop friendships in such a situation, so I tried to harken back to what MY parents did.
Last week we found out that she (Leah) had the stomach flu. Because they worried about dehydration and the baby on the way, that meant a 4 hour stay in the hospital in the middle of the night. After discovering this, I promptly started making bread (Steve's mom's "good recipe") and 2 hours later we called them up to deliver the package. I felt silly about the whole process. I wanted to be nice, but I wasn't sure if I was being TOO nice, or TOO eager to make friends. I mean, we hardly knew them. Steve consoled me by saying that they probably didn't know how to make friends any better than we did, and that it was a good effort.
I think he was right. This week the same couple shyly announced to us at the P.O. boxes that they had made us brownies. :) Mmm... I'm glad they took our cue. My stomach and mouth are happy, too. Perhaps next we'll one-up them by making dinner?
Which begs the question: Can you bake your way into someone's heart?
I've lived the vast majority of my life as a kid. I'm not really used to this adult thing. When you wanted to make a friend as a kid, you invited a kid over to your house to play or sleep-over. In college, you decided to study together or go out for coffee. In the world of adult-hood, what do you do?
Steve and I want to become friends with another couple in our apartment complex. They seem to want to be our friends, too. Unfortunately, lives are busy. They have 1.8 kids (she's pregnant with their second) and they're hard pressed to have time to see each other, much less go on impromptu coffee dates (dragging the little ones along!) I don't really know how to develop friendships in such a situation, so I tried to harken back to what MY parents did.
Last week we found out that she (Leah) had the stomach flu. Because they worried about dehydration and the baby on the way, that meant a 4 hour stay in the hospital in the middle of the night. After discovering this, I promptly started making bread (Steve's mom's "good recipe") and 2 hours later we called them up to deliver the package. I felt silly about the whole process. I wanted to be nice, but I wasn't sure if I was being TOO nice, or TOO eager to make friends. I mean, we hardly knew them. Steve consoled me by saying that they probably didn't know how to make friends any better than we did, and that it was a good effort.
I think he was right. This week the same couple shyly announced to us at the P.O. boxes that they had made us brownies. :) Mmm... I'm glad they took our cue. My stomach and mouth are happy, too. Perhaps next we'll one-up them by making dinner?
Which begs the question: Can you bake your way into someone's heart?
Comments:
Hi Laura....this is Carrie. Since we've been married for over 4 years (can you believe that?!) I can give you some ideas for getting to know other couples. Those with kids will be more willing to get to know you if you have them come over. Invite them over for snacks, games, dinner, etc. Maybe the wife would love you to go shopping with her. If they're hard pressed on time together, offer to babysit (for free) for an evening so they could go out to dinner or something. Anyway, hope that helps! You can still ask them out for coffee too. It's really not too hard and I think they'd appreciate the offers!
# posted by 
: 10/22/2004 11:14 AM
: 10/22/2004 11:14 AM
I think you're on the right track. Remember the old adage, "The way to a women's heart is through her stomach!"
I think that is a man's heart... unless you bake us something with chocolate... mmmmmm..
Anyway Laura my mom had a great idea for you (I read the blog out load to her because I thought this article was so cute). She mentioned that when the baby comes it will be hard for them to make dinners and you could make dinners for them whether it's on those days or by giving them frozen handmade dinner. It might be especially important if the couple isn't church going and therefore doesn't have that support system. But it's a good idea and you could ask if she could use some dinners at least...
And I think you can bake your way into someone's heart... it's a very physical gesture of friendship. Think about who actually cooks dinner for you (and who you don't pay), most of them are probably special to you.
10lees
Anyway Laura my mom had a great idea for you (I read the blog out load to her because I thought this article was so cute). She mentioned that when the baby comes it will be hard for them to make dinners and you could make dinners for them whether it's on those days or by giving them frozen handmade dinner. It might be especially important if the couple isn't church going and therefore doesn't have that support system. But it's a good idea and you could ask if she could use some dinners at least...
And I think you can bake your way into someone's heart... it's a very physical gesture of friendship. Think about who actually cooks dinner for you (and who you don't pay), most of them are probably special to you.
10lees
# posted by : 10/22/2004 9:47 PM
: 10/22/2004 9:47 PM
I think you did the best thing possible!!! Dropping off bread is a nice little drop of kindness that doesnt come with anything needed in return! I'm sure it made them feel great! Someone has to take the first step...
Have fun :)
Love always,
Dorothy
Have fun :)
Love always,
Dorothy
# posted by : 10/23/2004 1:47 AM
: 10/23/2004 1:47 AM
Hmmmm, how do my parents do it? Of course, they had events where their friends could bring their kids over as well, and that can help. But it also can help to get them out once in awhile with you, and get a babysitter. Relationships with couples that have kids kind of boil down to not seeing them quite as much as you're used to seeing other friends. You take what you can get and go slow.
And yes, food helps any relationship. Keep plugging away. Those winning... McMullen ways will woo you into their hearts.
--Neal
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And yes, food helps any relationship. Keep plugging away. Those winning... McMullen ways will woo you into their hearts.
--Neal
# posted by : 10/25/2004 1:52 AM
: 10/25/2004 1:52 AM