Sunday, January 08, 2006
How does one mourn in/with community?
Natural disasters hit, friends become ill, family members pass away. In all of this, I always feel a bit awkward. How do I react? How can I help?
When blessings come, a new baby, a new engagement, I know how to support and rejoice with those around me. But weren't His words more than just "rejoice with those who rejoice"? I believe "mourn with those who mourn" was also in there. And that's where I fall short.
Sure, I can handle it when someone has lost a job, I know how to offer a few bucks, or take them out for coffee ("my treat") to lend an ear. I can handle someone struggling with school, or struggling to make ends meet, but when true tragedy hits, and someone looses what cannot be earned or taken back, I do not know what to do. When I, too, am mourning because I also lost what was lost, it is not so difficult, I can experience loss with the person in a more natural, less contrived way. It is when I have never experienced the loss felt by a friend, or do not know the person that has passed away, that it becomes more difficult. I want to express my sympathy, I want truly for them to understand that I am empathetic, but I do not want them to feel that I feel "sorry for them" in a way that makes their mourning process more difficult.
So, dear bloggers, please consider and answer my questions two.
1) How can an individual mourn with friends who have experienced loss?
2) How can a community (especially church, but any social community) practice "mourning with those who mourn"?
These questions are on my heart now; if you have any opinions, thoughts, antidotes, or insightful quotes, let me know, either here or by e-mail or phone.
: 1/13/2006 10:25 AMA lot of people, quite frankly, really angered me by how they acted. "Aren't you so thankful for the time you DID get with him" etc
The BEST support was my friends who were just there. They were quiet and let me talk and mourn. They were with me in the ICU (only a select few...it was hard to have a bunch of people there). They bought me groceries (which is far far better than flowers or dessert bars. When you are in mourning it is so easy to forget that you don't have butter or meat...) They were around and helped--helped me put together the tagboard photo collage for my Dad's service. Helped cleaned my house.
Being there. That's the best thing. Be sensitive enough to go with the flow of the mourner. I had times of laughter even during the death and funeral. But mostly tears. My dearest friends were around me, letting me do what I needed to do.
And they weren't afraid to let me be real.
