Saturday, September 01, 2007
What if I ... ?
Two or three kids, either in a gang or at high risk for gang activity. Two kids, newly immigrated, one wants to graduate this year (she's brilliant, I think she can). One kid who's been here three years but still struggles with comprehension. One who has a secret she's only shared with me. A secret I can relate to, and I love her for having the courage to face at such a young age. I know her life will be forever changed in good ways because of her bravery. Then there's one I haven't met yet.
And I only have nine students. I am not listing their stats off so that you feel sorry for me, I don't see any of these kids as "tough kids." I've taught them for a week and there are two that are less than enthusiastic about work, but never rude. This is not beyond what I can do. I list off these stats so you can understand how much my heart aches when I say -- One week and I really like so many of them. Especially the auto mechanic and the one with the secret. Unconsciously many prayers have seeped from my heart.
"What if I stumble, what if I fall? What if I loose my step and I make fools of us all? Will the love continue, when the walk becomes a crawl... what if I stumble?"
I wonder if, when I'm done, these kids will really have any idea of how powerful love, hope, and the creator of both really is. And the Creator of both must come in to play. I don't have the strength to love these kids as much as I want to on my own. I am not good enough to alone show them Goodness, and the power therein.
I want to do my job better than anyone before me has.
And I am irate that the books I ordered in July, the first week of the fiscal year, (so that they'd be here by mid August, are NOT HERE YET. I have lesson plans, but no materials for my intermediate students. And I don't know when they'll be here. And even if they do come, I didn't order enough books.
I'm losing hair.
And I only have nine students. I am not listing their stats off so that you feel sorry for me, I don't see any of these kids as "tough kids." I've taught them for a week and there are two that are less than enthusiastic about work, but never rude. This is not beyond what I can do. I list off these stats so you can understand how much my heart aches when I say -- One week and I really like so many of them. Especially the auto mechanic and the one with the secret. Unconsciously many prayers have seeped from my heart.
"What if I stumble, what if I fall? What if I loose my step and I make fools of us all? Will the love continue, when the walk becomes a crawl... what if I stumble?"
I wonder if, when I'm done, these kids will really have any idea of how powerful love, hope, and the creator of both really is. And the Creator of both must come in to play. I don't have the strength to love these kids as much as I want to on my own. I am not good enough to alone show them Goodness, and the power therein.
I want to do my job better than anyone before me has.
And I am irate that the books I ordered in July, the first week of the fiscal year, (so that they'd be here by mid August, are NOT HERE YET. I have lesson plans, but no materials for my intermediate students. And I don't know when they'll be here. And even if they do come, I didn't order enough books.
I'm losing hair.
Comments:
Post a Comment
